Running like Gauss (take to therapy)


Dream I was in class at school. It was Masterman. I skipped around classes and grades. School was in full season. I could skip from place to place seeking a seat in the higher grades’ seminars which were crowded and happy with learning. Teachers called on me knowing I would be on top of the material. And I was. I spoke to their hardest. Their deepest questions. I needed a ride so I left.

Caught a ride in my friends’ car. It was messy (epically). A sedan. Seven of us riding in a four-person car. And we were in downtown Dayton. And it was the victim of flood damage. I had no idea what was going on outside the school. None of us did. Entire shops. Entire buildings were devastated. Shop wares piled up against drain gratings. Stones from buildings were piled in the streets. And our handful (plus two) drive slowly through it all. Through zeroing setbacks that sent people who owned buildings back to their countries. You had to have roots here to even survive.

I looked over at Masterman. We all did. And it still stood. And class was in session—a raucous, boistering noise that would continue forever. And I knew I was like Gauss. A kid in my mind and my heart who would never be squashed. Never stopped. Everyone in that car had something in common: head and heart. My writing was my current area of focus, but I had multiple skills, multiple heads, multiple hearts. Everyone in that car had something in common: an unbeatable spirit, an unbeatable soul.

And I woke from this, the most of a message dream I have had in years, feeling like I can handle life. Feeling like I don’t need alcohol—in fact it hinders me (this on my third day dry). Feeling like I don’t need anyone outside my car (we are doing fine and will always be doing fine). Feeling like I’m virtually untouchable. Unreachable. And whether it’s good or bad, it’s true. If you’re not also Gauss, no length of reach will cause our hands to touch. And if you are Gauss, we’re already in the car together. We understand each other, and there isn’t even need to talk. This dream has me crying today. Looking forward with hope. Unwilling to listen to the propaganda and mumbo jumbo of politics large and small. My ex-family is full of shit. I love them, but I love them like those whose minds have been destroyed by weather. Same with the larger government picture: that is merely bodies who go away with the tides. I don’t need to listen to that anymore. None of those circles demand my attention. I can work with happiness and genius for the rest of my life.

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