Talk over lunch about presence and visualization

The idea that we’re not necessarily into positive visualization stuff, but that, to the degree one is visualizing anyway, thinking about oneself in the future, you might as well imagine yourself having the perfect response in the situation you’re imagining.  And connecting that Dr. Phil idea about {it’s not that you’re afraid he’ll cheat on you, it’s that you’re afraid you won’t be able to handle it} to my way of stating something similar from a slightly different angle: that every fear, is a fear of what you will do…people live in rule-saturated environments because it saves them the trouble (life) of having to know themselves…know themselves to the degree that they can be present (by which I mean able to partake or not partake in whatever emotion, sin, pathology, that presents itself).  With the rule that in our [sub-]society there is no gay marriage, we don’t have to fear that we might be gay; with the rule that in our [sub-]society there is no alcohol, we don’t have to fear that we might drink.  But can’t I let you be gay, can’t I let you drink, and not fear myself, not fear who I might be?  All regulation is made to protect against, not what you might do, but what I fear I might become.

“I’m not afraid.” (Michael Raussen)

“I’m not afraid. I fear neither totalitarian or socialist governments. I’m not afraid of poverty and I’m not afraid to die. (and no Jesus didnt save me) I live my life to the fullest with gusto and embrace the unknown. If they kick in our doors they kick in our doors. One thing is for sure, no cardboard cutout talking point politician is going to prevent it.” (Michael Raussen)

Because I want to feel this way.

The only reason I feel the way I do today is because I want to feel this way.  If I choose to be drama-free by not going to facebook, if I choose to feel high by running for an hour, there is only one reason, and it is the best one and a simple one and a tricky one too.  I want to.  I laugh when I see ads for schools offering careers in criminal justice, because to seek a career in criminal justice is to expect that there will be criminals.  Worse, it is to require there to be criminals, otherwise you’re out of a job.  Mere intellectuals argue that to expect a world without crime is naive.  We need less intellectualism in our world and more horse sense.  If your job is to bring criminals to justice, then you need for there to be criminals and you will participate in the world in ways that ensure that remains the case.  Too much of our world is oriented toward disaster response (via which we ensure that disasters continue to occur).  Einstein’s phrase says it most cleanly: “intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them”.  Anyone who thinks that we cannot make this world what we want…and by that I mean make every part of it wonderful…is truly naive.  Our impressions create economies.  Our perceptions create realities.  If you don’t see that that is true it is because you haven’t thought it through.  We should not strive to be progressive.  We should strive to be miraculous.  Everything else is fear-based inefficiency.  Our job is to become unafraid, completely, 100%, absolutely unafraid right now.  I don’t think my job is to be part of the problem.  I don’t think my job is to solve the problem.  I think my job is to create, to play, to feel, to be.  I don’t think there’s anything naive about that.  I think that takes daring, I think it is the result of a great deal of consideration and reflection, I think it is the responsible thing to do.  I think we can try to avoid suffering, as the lazy do.  I think we can accept that life is suffering, as the Buddhists do.  I think we can understand that life isn’t any less-worthwhile spent one way or another…that, essentially, no one is pitiable.  No path is pitiable.  The fearful, the squeamish, the ill-informed are the only people I’ve encountered who think that the world is what it is, separate from us.  We are making this happen.  We are making all of this up.  Our political world, and larger, our cultural world, and larger, the connective world of reality, of the world, is a universal creature dreaming itself up.  We, individual people, are part of this universal creature that is dreaming itself up, that is improvising, that is creating itself over and over, imagining itself and how it could be, and then trying that.  There isn’t a way that things should be.  There isn’t {what god likes} or {what god wants to happen}.  There isn’t {right} or {what I like, what I like absolutely}.  This universe doesn’t know what it likes.  It’s playing, trying to figure that out.  But it doesn’t know already.  It’s planning, and executing that plan, and seeing what it can do.  It’s trying out a new set of wheels, it’s taking itself for a spin.  And only as a result of trying things does there become a sense in which our world likes things to be a certain way.  Sometimes I think I have to start with how the world is, and then decide how to feel about it.  That is not the case.  That leads to confusion.  First, start with how I want to feel (blissful).  Then, feel that way.  Then, and only then, decide what to do in the world.

If there’s a snake in the grass…

…I’ll step on it.  My mom said this about me the other day.  It’s true about her too.  I asked her what the archetype is of a person who has that quality.  She said it was a child.  She’s right.  It is a child.  That is why I like so many children and so few adults, on the whole, because children and those who have retained the essence of the child; if there is a snake in the grass, they will step on it.  Part of growing up is learning to participate in the lie, the evil lie, like the lie described in M. Scott Peck’s second book.  I am an imperfect person.  If you talk to me about it, I’ll admit it.  I actively work at admitting it to myself.  I like finding out that I’m wrong.  Some people are not like that.  They are the people of the lie.  And we can all be people of the lie, and we can all not be.  The lie is the snake in the grass.  It is the thing you’re not allowed to talk about, the truth that we silently agree not to discuss.  I have done worse things than most, and that qualifies me to speak on how possible it is to be open about that which sucks.  From someone who’s probably fucked up as badly as you or worse, please hear my opinion that there is nothing to fear in dealing with the actual situations of your life.  In the same breath as a I have fucked things up, I have dealt with things.  That is what matters.  There is no progress unless the real deal is dealt with.  You have to step on the snake in the grass.  You have to say the emperor has no clothes when the emperor has no clothes.  Children are naturals at this; that’s a big part of what’s wonderful about them.  To our psyche, change is death.  It’s ok to die.  We have to die, in that way, all the time, if we are to live.  People die worse overall when they don’t die a little every day.  Organizations, organisms, that don’t die to old ways a little bit every day, die overall sooner than those who do.  I messed up, I am ok, I will move on; that is something that people who mess up a lot have to learn to do in order to survive.  It is a much greater failing to never do that process.  Sometimes it is tricky to recognize the ego-full and the ego-less.  The ego-less cares enough about the other, the whole, the product, the project, the infant, the lover, the play, to change oneself.  The person who is changing oneself, putting oneself aside, to work, to play; that is the ego-less.  The person who is most fearful, least changing, is the snake in the grass.  Is afraid of the light, which hurts for a second, then makes everything better.  To be afraid is to be ego-full; fear’s methods are methods that protect the self.  But it’s not the self that is important.  The self works on ideas, the self creates things in others, the self that is not afraid can love.  Protecting the self out of fear of losing the self is protecting that, from change, that must change to live.  Change acknowledges impermanence of the self; it is ego-less.  Everything living is partially conserved in each moment and partially liberated.  It partially stays the same and partially dies.  If it changes quickly, it is so alive that beings who are much more slowly alive cannot even recognize its existence (they cannot individuate it).  If it changes slowly, beings who are much more slowly alive can individuate it, but do not consider it living (because they don’t have time to observe its life).  As adults we have trained ourselves to work in yards containing snakes.  We don’t want to get bitten, so we wear boots.  But we stay in the yard, and we pretend the snake isn’t there.  That’s an ok tactic, and it’s oft-employed.  It’s not a tactic of life, however; it’s not a tactic of growth.  Those of us who use that tactic have something to learn from children.  As Jesus said, “It is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.”  If there is a snake in the grass, there is a snake in the grass.  Don’t adapt.  Don’t delude yourself that it isn’t there.  Remove it, confront it, step on it.  Put boots on if you’re susceptible to poison, but then call the snake out.  To be silent because of a snake is to be part of its lie.

(From Wikipedia: “Peck believes that it is only through suffering and agonizing that we can resolve the many puzzles and conflicts that we face. This is what he calls genuine suffering, in a spiritual way. By trying to avoid genuine suffering, people ultimately end up creating more causes for suffering. Unnecessary suffering is what Scott Peck terms neurotic suffering.  Peck says that our aim must be to eliminate neurotic suffering and work through our genuine suffering, to achieve our individual goals.”)

Be free of ghosts

I want to demonstrate to myself that change is possible…to really change things, and change my ideas about what is possible, in the process.  I want to be 100% fit asap, happy and present, not dealing with ghosts—free of ghosts—be free of ghosts—that is rarely taken, good advice, live simply and pure, straight forwardly, plain, present, with presence, without obsession of control, without seeking any thing that cannot be attained.  With a reasonable, with a sane definition of an acceptable day.  Being free of ghosts, actually, can be seen as a consequence of {as we intentionally fill…

…intentionally emptying}; emptying thoughts, emptying influences, emptying ties to—things that are not there…gardener, drink water, free of toxins, sugar, alcohol, nicotine, extraneous salt, smalltalk, all drugs, fear.  Beth lived on a wolf preserve, a wolf farm, something—she seems to have a deepness and a peace about her and I am the universal connector as ever—solutions for me right now lie in simplicity—in cancelling out pairs of factors that work together in the construction of a problem—neither of which are necessary